Coming Home
By Rev. Taizan Alford
I’ve heard that when a person takes home leaving ordination or shukke tokudo in Japanese, in the Soto Zen tradition that the world becomes their home. I love the idea that the world is my home. I received home leaving ordination on September 24, 2016 from my teacher, Rev. Sosan Flynn at Clouds in Water. I could have never predicted the journey I’ve been on since then.
Some of you know that I recently returned from spending five months at the Nebraska Zen Center as the first resident priest in training. It was an amazing opportunity to be of service in a well established zen community. As I am returning to Clouds and Water Zen Center more in person rather than just the teacher ryo meetings on zoom I’m really wondering about what helps me feel like I’m home.
It took me almost five months of being in Omaha to feel like I was home. I slid into town on January 12, 2024 just ahead of a winter storm that sported temperatures below -25 for a couple of weeks. The town was in slow motion because of the cold. Even though I was pretty used to the cold in Wisconsin, where I’ve lived for almost thirty years, I didn’t know where anything was in Omaha. No favorite coffee houses or grocery stores. People drive much faster than they do in little Appleton. But, I did get used to the driving and found the grocery stores and coffee houses.
I remember going to Zen Mountain Monastery in 2020 shortly after the pandemic hit from September through early January 2021. I walked into the zendo and saw all of the monks and other meditators and I felt at home. When I return to my seat for zazen in the early morning, I feel at home; settled, connected with myself and the world. As I do the robe chant, placing my Okesa on my head, then on my shoulder, I wrap myself in the Buddha’s teaching and feel at home.
I wonder sometimes what has made Clouds in Water Zen Center feel so much like home to me even though it is physically four and a half hours drive from where I live most of the time. I wonder how I’ve been able to sustain this commute for practice month after month and year after year since 2012. It’s the people. It’s the people from the beginning, at my first retreat in 2004, that have helped me feel at home here. So, I feel an enormous amount of gratitude for all of you at Clouds in Water Zen Center that have helped me grow in my practice and have helped me embrace my vows as a home leaver. More and more I feel at home wherever I go. Thank you. I look forward to seeing you soon.
Taizan Alford (he/him) was ordained as a Soto Zen priest by Sosan Flynn in 2016, and completed shuso in 2021. Taizan's journey with meditation began on the yogic path in the early 1980s after getting sober. He has been to India, studied Ayurveda, and taught yoga since 1998. Taizan spent three months as a resident at Zen Mountain Monastery in 2020 Taizan’s focus in Soto Zen Buddhism is on how zazen, taking refuge and loving kindness can heal old wounds and help create less suffering for individuals and their communities. He is an associate member of the Teacher Ryo at Clouds. Taizan is committed to long-term recovery from addiction, healing from trauma, and not creating more suffering. Taizan is deeply grateful for his loving and supportive husband Tom.