May I Rest In Not Knowing
Image via Unsplash
By Flying Fish Barbara Murphy
Although you are reading this after the election, I wanted to write this reflection beforehand. Realizing how life changes swiftly and our views and emotions react, I am still sitting in not knowing. No matter what the results of the election it seems likely that there will be violent reactions to the result because we are in a place with polarizing interests. These views are inflamed daily by the media, whose interests often are more about attention grabbing than untangling the misinformation.
Right now I, along with millions of Americans, am bracing for the what will happen in the election. I’m reminded of a talk Reb Anderson gave at Clouds in Water. He said that the Chinese character for crisis can also be translated as opportunity. That within every crisis there is the potential for opportunity to arise, and if we can find our way there growth will follow. So often when we are in crisis, our world is overwhelmed by thoughts of distress and the view of no way out. Our reality of the world is challenged and we look for stability in a world that no longer feels safe.
When we might want to get smaller to try and control our fear, it is the larger view or as Katagiri Roshi used to say, “panoramic view” that offers balance and chance for opportunity and new life.
No matter what happens, who wins, we will still be a country divided by extreme views. If we want to effect real change, we will have to hold a bigger view. Shantideva suggests we exchange self for other. Our thoughts and views are a reflections of the education, experience and social interactions that we have received.
How might those opportunities have been different for someone who thinks differently than me?
How might their life and experiences support their world view and their reactions that are so different from mine?
If my views are supported by this election, how might I stay present enough to the suffering of others who might feel their world is lost?
Finally, I’d like to offer that, first, we are all vulnerable to our human nature. Just like me, others want to be free from stress and worry, just like me they want to feel safe, just like me they suffer. However different we are in what we want or what we believe to be the right path to get there, we are also very much connected. Allowing ourself to feel this beautiful interconnection and respond with a more willing heart towards all beings is the Bodhisattva path. I’d like to share this metta verse on equanimity:
May I rest in not knowing
May I find stillness
May I equally welcome all beings.
Currently living in Portland, Oregon, Flying Fish rejoins Clouds in Water from Dharma Rain Zen Center. She was ordained in 2005 by Diane Martin at Udumbara Zen Center in Evanston, Illinois, and transmitted by Byakuren Judith Ragir at Clouds in Water Zen Center in 2015. From 2005-2018 Flying Fish was a teacher at Clouds in Water Zen Center, where she helped advance the youth and family program. She completed her certified pastoral education in 2006 and worked as a hospital chaplain at Abbott Northwestern Hospital and as a hospice chaplain at Allina Hospice. Since 2019 she has been practicing with Dharma Rain Zen Center, where she now serves as a transmitted teacher. Her background includes a BA in art history and M.Arch in architecture. She lives with her husband and enjoys family life.