Friday Night Zen: All About Boundaries
By Rev. Jinzu Jain
Below is an email that I sent out to our Friday Night Zen community a few days before our last meeting. I share it here with you so that you can get a taste of the work we did that night and engage in your own reflections. May it be of benefit!
The topic that I would like to talk about this week is good boundaries.
One of the central teachings of Zen Buddhism is sometimes summed up as “interbeing” or “interconnectedness.” The idea that there is no separate “me” or “you” who isn’t in intimate relationship with everything in the entire cosmos. Or, as Carl Sagan famously said, “If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” But, if there is no real or meaningful separation between me and you… how do we navigate good boundaries together?
*Content Notice: in the quote below, the author uses the word “blind” to mean “unexamined” or “ignorant,” which is outdated and ableist.
In his book Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects us from What Really Matters, Robert Masters says, “When we are driven by blind compassion, we cut everyone far too much slack, making excuses for others’ behavior and making nice in situations that require a forceful “no,” an unmistakable voicing of displeasure, or a firm setting and maintaining of boundaries. These things can, and even should be done out of love, but blind compassion keeps love too meek, sentenced to wearing a kind face. This is not the kindness of the Dalai Lama, which is rooted in courage, but rather a kindness rooted in fear, and not just the fear of confrontation, but also the fear of not coming across as a good or spiritual person.”
Some questions to think or journal about:
What does “kindness rooted in courage” feel like for you?
How do we lean into our “yes” without abandoning our “no”?
What does it look like to practice interconnection AND good boundaries?
Jinzu Minna Jain (they/them) is an artist, writer, and racial & systemic equity educator. They identify as BIPOC, disabled, queer and trans/nonbinary. Jinzu has been practicing Sōtō Zen Buddhism for over twenty years and is a novice priest at Clouds in Water Zen Center. They are also the Director of Learning & Development with Real Transformation Today, a racial equity education and consulting group. Jinzu is mostly curious about how Zen practice can help us be human well, meet ourselves and one another complexly, and enjoy our little lives a little more. They wish to break down barriers to access caused by systems of oppression and provide gateways into Sōtō Zen for anyone who wishes to experience it.